Chicago

When I was in high school, an event so insignificant I can’t even remember triggered a rant to my father that went something like this: Ninety percent of people in this world are retarded.  My dad looked at me for a second, took a deep breath, and said, “Never lose faith in the world.”  And that was that. 

For most of the past eight years I’ve lived by that mantra. The KFC Double Down?  It’s not that much worse for you than a regular chicken sandwich.  Enron?  A few bad apples do not a society make. 

However, there have been moments over those years in which I die a little inside.  Sunday afternoon in Chicago was one of them. Not five minutes after exiting the car, I saw them: People “riding” segways, helmets and all.  That wasn’t even the best part; following in their “dust” was a four person tandem bicycle, arranged two by two, ridden at most three miles an hour by, you guessed it, helmeted riders. Listen, I’m all for safety—I wear my seatbelt every time I drive over 10 miles per hour and abide by the five second rule when dropping food on the ground—but helmets on a segway?  If you fall off a segway, who’s top speed might be slower than the average walking speed, you deserve the concussion that comes with the tumble. 

The world is growing softer every day.  People sue for falling down stairs and failing to follow instructions.  People’s entire jobs revolve around making sure idiots can’t mess up to the point of injuring themselves and others.  I say, let them fall.  Maybe then individuals can go back to worrying about actual world issues.

Survival of the fittest.